Where did 2014 go?!
2012 was a nightmare in the end due to The Accident. 2013 was a blur as I came out of the fog of mourning. But 2014?
It was busy. It was crazy. It was chaotic. I didn't get a lot of blogging done because, while my kids are no longer itty-bitty and hanging off my arms, they are now big and require more space in my lap and block my view of the computer when they sit on it... And well, typing is hard when you can't see the screen and the keyboard. Yes, they are in school during the day, but good grief it's been busy and that's when I can actually accomplish things like cleaning the pee off the bathroom floor and grocery shopping and volunteering and trying to grab a cup of coffee with a friend. Once they go to sleep, I'm back to cleaning and visiting with my husband before I crash into bed and sleep.
As I type this... I'm not at my computer. I'm on my phone. Typing into an app. Dinner is done. Bedtime has not quite happened yet. I am kinda-sorta hiding. Because that's how I roll these days.
2014 was probably the most disorganized year of my life. I felt like a chicken with my head cut off most of the time. I've been hard on myself and hard on my family because I just couldn't cope. Disorganization causes me to lose my mind. When it's self-inflicted disorganization? Nope. Can't even.
During all the craziness that was my year... add in December and all that it brings with it... I was a hot mess when I received a Facebook message from an old friend: "Thought of you." It then went on to talk about a small band of bloggers that she was putting together. "Bloggers Anonymous." A 12-week challenge. 12 topics. One per week. A place for us to come together. To grow. To connect. To encourage.
I've been doing pretty good to blog once a quarter in the past year (maybe less than that... Please, don't go count!), so I decided that maybe reconnecting with my writing and my readers and this little band of bloggers was just what I needed. An outlet. Something to put the chaos that is my brain into order. Just the way I like it!!
So here you go, readers!! 12 posts in 12 weeks!! Can you handle it?!?! I sure hope so cuz it's happening!
This year, 2015 gets a Power Word!
I have struggled to come up with a word or phrase that will define and shape the next year. But today, while scrolling Facebook, it came to me.
I try to keep a lot of my inner dialogue hidden from the world. Mainly because I think that I'm a little crazy. I've recently begun to branch out and let a few people see it... And out of that has developed the phrase, "I pulled a Monica and (enter any neurotic, paranoid, freak out, fast talking, coffee-fueled scenario you want here)." I know they mean well. I love my friends. Imagine the brain of a neurotic Jack Russell terrier and a chihuahua combined and you have my brain.
Now for some of you whom have known me for a long time, you may be saying, "No way! You are so even-keeled!" No. I'm telling you! I am a duck!! Calm on the outside and completely freaking out and paddling to stay afloat under the surface!!
Letting my friends get a glimpse of the real me has been so freeing!! Weight has been lifted off my back! Now that they know... What do I have to hide from them?!
Most of my life I have felt like had to be perfect. I felt like I couldn't make a mistake. I couldn't get a bad grade. I had to have my life together. I had to be able to do it all.
But let's be real. I am far from perfect.
Only one person has ever been and will ever be perfect. He is the one that I live my life for and the one I strive to be more like, but in reality, I fall short every day.
So in 2015, I am offering myself grace. Grace to mess up. I will allow myself to get up and try again. I will ask my kids for forgiveness when I lose my patience and make a mistake because they need to know that Momma isn't perfect and that I mess up just like they do. I'll be real with my friends and let them see me for me. I'll focus more on the relationship with the friend rather than what I THINK they are thinking about me. My REAL friends accept me for me and love me for me, so why not be real with them?
I have goals this year. Goals to simplify my home and life and get back to the organized state I prefer.
But my mantra for this year: I am far from perfect. Let there be grace.